Hey there!

I'm Natasha, the author of this blog. I'm also a psychology student who is working hard to be a novelist. I like thinking deeply mainly about life. I'm not a wise person, I'm simply just a girl who wants inspire the world through my writing.

Hope you enjoy every single of my posts.

Lots of love!
Natasha

PS : Feel free to comment on my posts, I will definitely reply to your comment!


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20 September 2020

The Handmaid's Tale: A whole new world yet seems familiar

Well, during this difficult time... there's nothing better to do than sit, relax, and watch some movies. or shows. 

I have watched several shows this year like the famous sitcom How I Met Your Mother, the handsome devil Lucifer, a real-life family situation like Kim's Convenience,  and season 3 of The Crown.

I am actually pretty bored already with Netflix (also Prime, Prime Indonesia is just so not good). But then, I subscribed to Mola TV (the official Premier League broadcaster in Indonesia. The main reason why I paid for it) and it happens to include the HBO Go too. Like all famous HBO series from Big Little Lies, Game of Thrones, Chernobyl... and then I stumbled upon, The Handmaid's Tale.

I have always wanted to watch the show because they won so many awards. I was curious but It was only available on Hulu (which is only available in the US). So, well obviously I didn't really have the chance to watch it "legally".

I started the first episode and I was shocked. Like...

"What the hell is this?'

So messed up in many ways. Disgracing women. Dark. Tensed. 

One of the best pilot episode I have ever watched. 

Well, no I am not going to write an episode by episode. I am not going to spoil all the plot for those of you who have not watched it yet. The plot, as far as I watched from Season 1 to Season 2, they were good. Season 1 was sensational (the adaption from the original novel). Season 2 was a good season following the original story too. 

But I really want to discuss the moral, the characters, and the settings

First of all, let me say this... the reason I am so hooked up with this show how they manage to bring another world to see. You know like you're actually being in Gilead. Being the handmaids, and you get anxious too with the conditions, you feel angry that you're helpless, you are not being treated like a human being there. They don't care about your background, feelings, emotions, or well-being. Just do your job.

Especially, one thing that pissed me off was the fact that women were being treated poorly. With the extreme Christian view- how women should go back to serve their husbands, being at home, taking care of the family, and of course... breed. This is the opposite of gender-equality feminist are fighting for since back then. I mean, raise in the era of freedom (and democracy in Indonesia)... I am gutted. I can't imagine if I can't no longer dream. We can't even read or write. It would be devastating for me (who happened to love writing). Guys are ruling the world, they can hold guns, they can do whatever they want. They are not being forced to do something against their will. It is like seeing the world going backwards. 

Well, the setting in a dystopian world, the new country after the USA was tearing down. They built a new system, a new society. I am always a fan of dystopian. So, Handmaid's Tale really catches my eyes. The costumes were obviously gorgeous. The detail of colours. The weather somehow was almost always dark, cloudy, and cold like they were actually under cursed by God. So many guardians outside the door making sure they behave well. June's room was not equipped with no books at all. Just basic furniture like bed, desk, chair, closet. It looked pathetic for me. 

Let's take a look on the best part of the show. The characters:

Offred/June, the main protagonist of the show. Elizabeth Moss deserved that awards with her acting. She was really convincing, her eyes showed a lot of emotions, we as the audience can really empathize with her situation. Like we all want to help Offred run from Gilead. But, I was quite annoyed with the close-up shot we have to see for a couple of minutes. It makes me uncomfortable. She has that smug face to like she owns Gilead and doesn't give a fuck with the authorities. "I am special...", well yeah she is some remaining fertile women. But, remember where you are now, June.

NICK, well... personally I was obsessed with him. I think most of the fans do. His character is like the only good thing in Gilead. He was the only one who brings joy to Offred/June during her time at the Waterford's house. Somehow, June feels safe... feels like she has someone to rely on... when this new world is terrifying. He's like Offred's saviour. And the chemistry between the two of them is impeccable. I couldn't stop screaming if they had intimate moments. I couldn't stop smiling when they did something little sweet things like holding hands, giving each other's strength, or exchanging a glance. They found each other in this world. BUT, he is so mysterious that somehow makes you uneasy. But that side really is fun to be explored next season! The minus side of Nick was... he didn't talk much. I really want to slap him in the face, "Say, something dude!"

Serena Joy/Mrs Waterford, well she was the villain. The top villain. I personally feel she was worse than her husband. I could feel how she was really upset with the fact of she couldn't carry her own child. I couldn't imagine being her-witnessing your husband impregnated another woman in front of you. Well, she had a vicious past. She was the one who helped establish the rules, but she was the one also who felt that laws backfired to her. I feel like she was actually a strong ambitious woman, but made a wrong decision. She didn't actually want to be stuck at home and knitting. She was very complex, one day she befriended June, one day she was mean lady. 

Fred/ Mr Waterford. How do I describe him? I was frightened with him at first. But then, you know what happened between him and June. I felt more like... he was actually nice. He gave everything that June wanted. Even the stupid, risky ones. Like, so much love for the handmaid, right?  That's it. He was nice, manipulative, but well obviously what he had done with Gilead... was unforgivable. 

Aunt Lydia. I just instantly didn't like her the moment I saw her for the first time. It remained that way, until... she was actually being "nice" to June. Taking care of her, making sure she was treated well, even she defended June quite well in front of Waterfords. She was still a mystery that we wanted to know.

Ofglen/Ofjoseph/Emily. She was actually, someone I liked at the beginning. Like, she was the perfect ally for June. But then, she went off some troubles. I felt like she was being too impulsive with her actions. She wanted to get out? Well, she needed more than doing reckless things. I didn't like her.

Rita. She was quite neutral and the most obedient staff at the show. I was not sure to trust her or not. Sometimes she was nice, fun, helpful... but sometimes she was... quite, straight-forward. Well, I feel like we haven't seen the real her, yet. 

What I noticed about the characters- the reason I fell in love with the show- it was perfectly written for me. The balance between the virtues and flaws, they were so realistic. When you can hate the protagonist and empathize with the villain, that's how you know the writer did a good job. You can't expect someone being 100% evil, and someone being 100% pure. As a neutral side, you can feel their needs, their desire, their roles, their struggles, and how they all just trying to survive in that world. Just like all of us, trying to find our role in society, fit in, working so hard to hanging on, and maybe make some changes? They are human beings after all! Not superficial creatures. 

The characters may stand out the most. But the plot- was exceptional too. The audience was eager to see more and more of it. The writer didn't always give something we all want to see, instead, they put in little by little, to torture us, to make us wait, to finally get the climax of it, but then pulling it back, giving us more torture to watch! The roller-coaster of emotions. Audience giggled like teenagers when we see June and Nick together, but then felt so angry towards Aunt Lydia, Serena, or Fred. We cried. We were anxious with their fate. 

The settings as written above also build up the mood around Gilead. The harsh new reality- poking women's emotions. Bonus point with the costumes, the background music that always perfectly fit with each scene (adding more nervousness), and of course the perfect cast for each role. 

The Handmaid's tale indeed deserves the awards. They successfully bring a whole new world to us. Felt weird but somehow familiar. It's so addicted. I always love dystopian movies like Hunger Games or Divergent, but they were movies that were released once in a year for two hours maximum. So, we were only being exposed to that world for a brief of moment. It's quite different from Handmaid's Tale, obviously. Since there were 3 seasons so far, you can watch it whenever you want. You can watch it 3 seasons in a week. Or in my case, I finished two seasons in 6 days.

After that, my state of mind was pretty bad. I felt confused. I felt like I swallowed too many negative emotions. I felt like Gilead was so real and I lived there. I felt like this mundane life was so much better but Gilead could possibly happen in the future. I couldn't even sleep properly for a few days. I couldn't focus on my work. I was trying so hard to forget what I witnessed. The cruelty, the tension, and the sexual tension between June and Nick... WHO COULD RESIST THAT? Their love felt so real and understandable that you keep thinking about it. I am wondering day and night what is going to happen next with June? How is she going to end up? How Gilead will go down? Will there be more of Nick and Aunt Lydia's backstory?

I even decided to postpone watching Season 3 to stop the overthinking. But, today I might give up to resist the tempation. But, I am so heart-broken to hear that Nick was not going to feature a lot in Season 3. One of the reasons I keep watching... is not there. Will I enjoy Season 3 as much as the previous seasons?

Let's see!




15 March 2020

S.O.S

Well, past me... if only you know...
Life is getting harder.

I don't know if it is just me or anyone feels time is passing by real quick day by day?
I really do feel time moved so slow when I was a kid.
Like school took ages.

I have theory that since the invention of social media, internet, and many many online platform... like NETFLIX or YOUTUBE that led us to be addicted with our smartphone or computes... it is easy to waster our time now... you watch 10 episodes with 20 mins per episode, you already spend 200 mins = 3 HOURS 20 MINUTES!!!
Now try to read a book for 3 HOURS! :)

But back to the topic, as you may know... our world suffers with the pandemic, coronavirus or COVID-19. It caught me off guard with how fast it is spreading to the entire world. While other people opening up the cases, meanwhile in Indonesia the government were chill, saying we are immune to viruses because of our "dirty" habits,

I really wish the world will be better and back to normal life. I don't know if this is how God trying to punish us humans for destroying earth... or we humans are so selfish that we ended up causing troubles. We still don't know yet. It's a mystery, that maybe revealed in the next few months. Or years. But this pandemic will change our history, our life in 2020s.

I really worry about this pandemic.
I remembered, I have been worrying about this kind of thing since I watched the movie, Contagion.
The movie was about swine flu. That movie really changed my life. I am turning into this hypochondriac who worries about my health.

I don't like touching other people, so it is a plus point for me.
I live in apartment, and I usually press the lift button with my elbow. You don't know how dirty the button is right...

BUT BUT BUT...
I don't really like washing my hands. I don't like being wet.
I like touching my face! Like scratching my eyes, touching my nose... it was automatic response

Moreover, I had a board game called Pandemic, it was one of the most fun board game based on its review, it was a Christmas gift from my brother-in law, I played it with my friends on New Year's Eve. Not even in our worst scenario, that the game was really going to happen for the next couple of months. It really affects me. How I accidentally predict the future.

Well, right now... I am sick. Almost a week by now, I'm getting better but my throat still not getting better. And believe me, it is not easy to be sick during this pandemic. I was really concern about my health because I had runny nose. And my anxiety goes worse because this real threat out there. I am self-isolating myself since Tuesday. I work at home. I minimize contact with everyone, even my Mum. I don't want people to get sick because of me. I went to the doctor, the other day because I felt scared, my chest hurts. And I thought I have allergy, but the doctor said I caught cold and sore throat.
Which by the way, the symptoms of COVID-19.

Seriously, this is the worst time to get sick.

I am trying so hard to cheer up my mind. I took a break from every single news about Coronavirus, it is really sickening to scroll your Instagram and you see Coronavirus on every post... like...

I watched funny videos, comedy, to boost my happiness.
I keep writing and writing to express my anxiety. Hope it works.
I keep in touch with my family and friends to give social support
And I pray to God, hoping for His mercy to us.

I am running out things to say. I am worry also about my lovely country Indonesia battling with this kind of situation. I don't really have strong faith with the government. I really afraid because most of Indonesians don't really care about hygiene. We like to do social gatherings. So, it is really not a great thing to do during this Pandemic. People don't care. People are CHILL. People despise the prevention order. Let's see how it will be going in Indonesia... with the reckless things we do.

Surely, this Pandemic will be in the history of mankind in the next generation.
People will talk about how scary it is... how people suddenly become OCD.
And how the economy probably will collapse.
2020 was really hard time for all over the world.

Future me, if you read this please tell me how will it end?

Sincerely,
Natasha

10 March 2020

Gloomy Days

Just need to write quick.

It's been a long time since I write on this blog.

Well, again life is just full of ups and downs. 

Some day, you are so joyful...
Some day, you are so upset
Some day, you are terribly anxious
Some day, you want to explore the world
Some day, you want to inspire people
Some day, you just hate your existence in this world

It is so easy to say, "Cheer up"
"Don't be anxious"
"Be more confident"
"Oh come one you're just overreacting, you are just overthinking"

It feels so easy to say, "It's just a bad day not a bad life"

But, every night I have to bear the pain
I have to really screaming to myself, "What is wrong with you?"
Every time I feel discomfort, it's like my body reacts so badly
My mind tries to persuade me, "You do have a bad life, Natasha. What can you be proud of? You have nothing to be proud of"
And then my body would try to choke me, not letting me breathe.
All of the sudden, every joyful moments in my life is blocked.
I can't no longer access my own happiness.
It is just darkness that get left behind. 

Don't get me started, with how terribly lonely I am.
Every time, I was in the downside of my life
I don't think no one ever tries to genuinely care about me
But, when I want to open up...
I am so afraid to become their burden.
I am so afraid to disturb their peaceful life with my mess

And here I go, get stuck between stressing over something ridiculous, keep it to myself but not feeling great about it, but again not really want to disturb people around me

It is like the same old mistake I keep repeating over again
I thought I have managed it, I have finished it 
But again, I was just opening up an old wound

So this is how it feels to be hopeless.

Dear future me, tell me everything is going to be alright
And I'm going to the right direction
If it ever be the right ones...

So grateful that writing is always be my safe haven
Writing is always be my go-to place to just escape from reality

***

PS : Growing up is really suck

Love,
Natasha